Commentary by Edwin J. Jaufmann, Jr.

The musings of a disabled, socially conscious, registered Democrat, who doesn't equate reason with heartlessness.

It’s been a long time since I’ve posted – What does marriage mean?


I can’t get it out of my head.  I’ve lost everything to my disability, except myself, which is most important.   I’m stripped of most all of the artifices of modern society, except my communication tools (very old notebook computer, iPad Pro (original generation), iPhone 7 plus).  I view my communication tools as an extension of my person. (Yes, that’s dangerous if I am without them).

So here i am, a little less than five year later, posting.

I’m not, in this post only, going to talk about President Trump.  (Oh, how writing, “President Trump”, sticks in my craw.)  I’m going to write about being gay, Marriage Equality, and Pride.

I’ve posted this before on Facebook, and Tweeted it.  I’m jealous.  At 57, almost 58, I’m jealous of all those people who are getting married under the law.  I had a ceremony blessing my union with another man in April of 1990.  168 congregant, family and friends attended.  I was with him from the summer of 1988 until sometime in 1997.  We had a supportive Church, Judson Memorial Church in New York City, enthusiastically bless our union (visit their site, http://www.judson.org/, and attend a worship service if you are in New York City, it is a great congregation with a magnificent social conscious).  It was the first public blessing in the Church’s long history. (They had several private services prior to ours).

As much as I loved what happened, and the blessing of our Congregation, the fact that the greater society did not recognize us as married detracted from that blessing.  It was a, “play”, service.  As much as everyone who attended gave us their full throated support and recognized us, within the bounds of the Congregation, as married, we were not married.

As we all know, to be married means so many things, automatically, and without question.  To be Mesures Studnicka-Jaufmann, instead of Mr. Studnicka and Mr. Jaufmann, is the difference between a frozen dinner and an evening at a great five star restaurant.  Society places an inordinate amount of value on marriage, and anything but the, “real thing”, is truly just an imitation.  And, it feels that way, every day.

So, my jealousy is solely about wishing it happened to me.  It’s based on envy.  It is positive, not negative.  It is seeing something I always wanted, deeply desired, and seeing others get it, simply because they are at the right time and I wasn’t.  My love deserved it, but I couldn’t have it.

For those of you who feel I’m petty in my view, I’m deeply sorry.  I know the worth of the love I had.  To look forward, I know I can still experience that love and the great gift of marriage.  It will be hard for me with my disability, as who would want a disabled person as a husband?  But, stranger things have happened in life.  I hope.  I wait.  I live.  I pray.  Maybe my prince will come for a second time.

Filed under: Rant

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Thank you for reading.

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